Ghosts
by Nightstar Phoenix
Summary: [One-Shot] The Doctor races against time to save his Impossible Girl, diving into his time stream. Doctor's POV for "Name of the Doctor."


A/N: Headcanon time! So after watching "Name of the Doctor" my sister and I wondered if there would be Eleventh Doctor echoes running around trying to save Clara. This is what came of it. Not purposefully Whouffle, but it's up to interpretation.

Disclaimer: I own zilch. Most of the dialogue is word for word from the episode, "The Name of the Doctor."

* * *

><p>"Now, if I don't come back– and I might not–"<p>

"Doctor!" River cries, knowing that she can't be heard. Thinking.

"-go to the TARDIS. The fast return protocols should be on, she'll take you home, then shut herself down."

River steps toward me, angry and worried. "There has to be another way. Use the TARDIS, use something. Save her, yes, but for goodness sake be sensible!"

She raises her hand to slap me, but I catch her hand.

Her expression shifts to one of utter shock. "How are you even doing that? I'm not really here."

"You are always here, to me," I say. "And I always listen and I can always see you."

"Then why didn't you speak to me? she asks.

"I thought it would hurt too much," I answer.

"I believed I could have coped!" She says, exasperated.

"No. I thought it would hurt _me_," I clarify. "And I was right." But I pull her into a kiss. "Since nobody else in this room can see you, who knows how that looked." I say to no one in particular.

"There is a time to live and a time to sleep," I say. "You are an echo, River. Like Clara. Like all of us, in the end. My fault, I know, but you should have faded by now."

"It's hard to leave when you haven't said goodbye," she notes.

"Then tell me, because I don't know–" I choke. "How do I say it?"

"There's only one way I would accept," River says. "If you ever loved me... Say it like you're coming back."

"Well, then..." I take a step back, trying to be naunchelaunt while bot my hearts are bursting inside, "See you around, Proffessor River Song."

She smiles. "Till the next time, Doctor."

"Don't wait up." Are there things I wanted to say? Yes. I can't remember one of them for the life of me. So this is what Clara was talking about, when I asked her to come in the TARDIS. You're asked what your favorite book is and suddenly can't remember a single book you've ever read.

"Oh," River says. "There's one more thing."

"Isn't there always?" I smile.

"I was mentally linked with Clara," River points out. "If she's really dead, then how can I still be here?"

"Okay," I'm following, "How?"

"Spoilers," she says one last time. "Goodbye, Sweetie."

And I watch River Song disappear, the last time I will ever see her smile.

I turn around, take a deep breath, and step into the time stream. Geronimo.

_I am the Doctor._

_I am over two thousand years old. _

_I am a Time Lord of the planet Gallifrey in the constellation of Kastorboros. _

_If I can remember who I am, maybe I can save my Impossible Girl._

_I'm whirling trough the Vortex like a missile, struggling to stay together. Clara is everywhere, everywhen. My Clara, scattered through time and space. And it's all my fault._

_She has no control of her echoes. They are born, they live, they die, they never remember being Clara._

_I have echoes too. I appear, race after her, race against time itself to save her._

_And every time I am too late._

_She is already gone. Already gone. I never even knew she was there then, and she died while my back was turned. Gone. Gone. Gone._

_My fault._

_I watch her die a thousand times. I watch myself not notice, a million times. _

_My fault._

_But I can find My Clara. Can I find My Clara? She should be dead, shattered into a million peices. A whole universe of Clara Oswalds and mine is gone forever. _

_All my fault._

_Again._

_Every time._

_I could have done something _then_, but I didn't know. And _then_. And _then_. And Trenzalore. I should have done something then, I shouldn't have even let this happen._

_I am the Doctor and I have failed._

_The pure despair seeps through the energy around me, with no words to describe the shockwave. I can't. I couldn't. _

_All my fault. _

_Always my fault._

_I can feel her presence all round me, but there's not enough of her for her to breathe, to feel, to grab my hand and run. I have never been closer but I have never been so far._

_Clara, I'm sorry_

_I am so so sorry_

_It's my fault_

_And suddenly I realize we're not alone._

_We're not the only ones in the Time Vortex._

_I remember. Of course. Clara isn't the first to throw herself to Time for me._

_And the Bad Wolf is here, too. My Rose. Rose and Clara, the Bad Wolf and the Impossible Girl, I never really lost them._

_There is a way to bring Clara back._

_We pull scattered bits of matter from the universe, we bind them together, build an island in the sea of time. It will not hold together long, but it might last just long enough..._

"Doctor?"

_The heart of my Time Stream. I'm not sure what to do now._

"Doctor!"

_That's Clara. That's Clara's voice._

_That's Clara._

_That's _my_ Clara._

_She's alive, she held together, she made it. Clara Oswin Oswald, my Impossible Girl. _

She curls up in a ball, terrified. "Please! Please, I don't know where I am!"

_"Clara."_

She lifts her head up.

_"You can hear me, I know you can."_

"I can't see you," she says.

_"I'm everywhere. You're inside my Time Stream. Everything you see around you is me."_

"I can see you," she corrects. "All of your different faces, they're here."

_"Those are my ghosts. My past. Every good day, every bad day."_

_The land beneath Clara rumbles. The Time Stream is collapsing. We can't hold it for long._

"What's wrong?" Clara asks, "What's happening?"

_"I'm inside my own Time Stream, it's collapsing in on itself."_

"Well, get out then!" Clara says.

_"Not until I've got you." I can fix this._

"I don't even know who I am!" _She's breaking again. Hold on Clara, hold on._

_Mid her consciousness stays together, maybe I can come to her. We can leave together. Hold on, Clara._

_"You're my Impossible Girl. I'm sending you something - not from my past, from yours. Look up. Look."_

She looks up. A red autumn leaf flutters from the heavens.

_"This is you, Clara. Everything you were or will be. Take it."  
><em>

She catches the leaf out of the air.

_"You blew into the world on this leaf. Hold tight. It will take you home"_

Clara stumbles along the path. _She is focusing in the leaf. I am focusing too. _

_Clara, Clara, Here I am, Clara! _"Clara! Clara! Come on!"_  
><em>

She whirls around and catches sight of me.

I smile encouragingly. "Come on, to me, now. You can do it, I know you can."

"How?"

"Because it's impossible," I say, " And you're my Impossible Girl."

She begins to approach, slowly.

I keep going. "How many times have you saved me, Clara? Just this once, just for the heck of it, let me save you!" _Just this once. That's all I need. Just once. Please._ "You have to trust me, Clara. I'm real. Just one more step."

Slowly and surely, she comes nearer. Finally near enough. I pull her into a hug, holding her close. How far we both have come for this moment. "Clara. My Clara." I place a kiss on her head. Clara is alive, she is here and she is safe and she is with me.

And then over her shoulder I see him.

I know that face.

I was that face.

"Who's that?" Clara asks.

"Never mind, let's go back," I urge her.

"But who is he?" she insists.

"He's me. There's only me here, that's the point. Now let's go back."

"But I never saw that one," she says. "I saw all of you. Eleven faces, all of them you. You're the eleventh Doctor."

Of course. The Time War was locked, closed off to her. Not even the Impossible Girl could save me from that. "I said he was me. I never said he was the Doctor."

"I don't understand."

I slap my palm to my forehead. "Look, my name, my real name, that is not the point. The name I chose is the Doctor. The name you choose, it's like a promise you make. He's the one who broke that promise."

Clara stumbles, loosing consciousness, falling against me. "Clara? Clara! Clara!" I lift her into my arms. We have to leave, now. My eyes fall again to the figure. "He is my secret," I say, though I don't think she can hear me.

"What I did, I did without choice," he says.

"I know."

"In the name of peace and sanity."

"But not," I growl, "in the name of the Doctor."

I turn my back on him, walking away, my Companion in my arms. You'll be safe soon, Clara.

_The land dissolves, matter dissolves around us. But I have Clara._

_Bad Wolf, take us home._

We materialize in the TARDIS. The ship wakes slowly, humming her greeting. She had already taken Vastra, Jenny, and Stax home. I set Clara down gently in the jump seat, and turn to pilot the TARDIS. Time to take Clara home, too– for a little while.


End file.
